yearSelf

“Who knows where life will take you, the road is long, and in the end... the journey is the destination.” – One Tree Hill

My sunglasses are down, the roof of the car is open and all there is ahead of me are two lanes divided by a double yellow line. This is a sort of freedom that I've come to know really well this year...

I look to my left- I look to my right. I check my mirrors and I smile. An Usher song is blasting but because of the wind, I can barely hear more than a bassy beat echoing through the car. I love it: the disorientation, my hair blowing from side to side. I feel my hamstrings begin to sweat from the humidity that is inescapable. I check myself out again (hehe), and I think about how I got here-to Houston- in August- in this mustang convertible.

This is pretty amazing.

I decide that I got here by focusing on what I call “yearSelf”-- yes “yearSelf”. Many people have often said to, "focus on yourself more Libs" so I made "yourself" into a yearlong quest. A yearlong open road with, a yearlong road trip—where I am always in the driver’s seat, only envisioning one lane—the one that goes forward, rather than back.

A lot’s happened this year—but to look back on it—to be nostalgic about it—would be a bit hypocritical of that last line. But sometimes, in writing, it’s okay to be a bit hypocritical—and why? Because in writing, we can make our own rules (and why? Because I said so). So here goes:

I started taking acting classes in January and made an incredible group of friends that I now consider family.

I took up a yearlong challenge to try one new thing a week—starting in February, that I pre-conceived in January.

I’ve dated—and had a break up.

I’ve called home more.

I've worn bright colors (and yes this makes a huge difference in life)

I’ve ran my second half-marathon—this time with a good friend.

I’ve meditated.

I’ve written more.

I’ve taken time for me.

I’ve had dizzying discoveries, and beaming break-throughs.

I quit my job in July.

I took a freelance job in August.

And it’s ONLY August.

That’s how I got here. To this moment. In this white mustang convertible, that we’ve rented for work. That’s how I got here—to this open road ahead, both literally and metaphorically. And I’m not so worried about any forks, because I’ve made some tough decisions this year too. Ones that I have yet to regret—and don’t for-see regretting anytime soon or ever--cause *Life is too short to have regrets.*

But the only decision that’s mattered—truly mattered, is the one where I decided to take the year—to focus on myself. To make 2012, my open road—my metaphorical road trip—my journey--my “yearSelf.”

I challenge you to take one of these yourself—without any destination in mind—because really—the only destination—is the journey.

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well--"Your art Matters--It's what got me here": Part 2

***Disclaimer: The title is a mash-up of the Eve 6 Song and a quote from One Tree Hill***

It's been nearly two years since I wrote an open thank you note to all the people that have inspired me. Two years. I should be saying thank you every day. 

Because truly, "Your art matters"--yes you--"It's what got me here." (One Tree Hill)

I am a go getter--a strong-brave--courageous-lively individual. But I am also grateful. I didn't get here on my own. I got here through all of you--through all of you in my past--through all of you who are in my present--through all of you that I've only met for moments--seconds in my life. I got here through my past--I got here through looking towards the future--and I got here through your constant pushes, your endless support, your brilliant love and passion for life and whatever it may bring. I got here through you. Yes--you.

I didn't always wear my heart on my sleeve when it came to what I truly wanted. The truth is--I've always wanted to be a performer--an artist--a creative soul giving her most intimate thoughts and gifts through words and writing on the side of the street. I always wanted to be in the school plays, take voice lessons so I could be on Broadway, and make art. Growing up, the only reality TV show I wanted to be on was Say What Karaoke. But up until my senior year of college, I never acted on it.  I am not sure if I was scared of what people would think of me--or if I just didn't have the confidence in myself. Whatever wall was stopping me seemed unbreakable. But I don't regret waiting so long to find my inner arteest (hehe)--because along the way, I formed friendships and long-lasting relationships with people who taught me to love myself and push myself in ways that have propelled me to become the artist --and person that I am.

I was an athlete. In everyone's minds that's where my life was going--athletics. When I was in eighth grade, I engraved it in my head that I needed to be good enough to get a scholarship for college--at softball. In sophomore year, I sat down with a recruiter and discussed how to reach college coaches. And by junior year, I was no longer focused on softball--but rather field hockey--another sport. I hadn't given myself a chance to TRY anything else. Being an athlete was all I knew. My life revolved around the emotion of the final game of a season--statistics--and morning runs. I knew nothing else--and my heart yearned for me to be trying EVERYTHING. I got a glimpse of what my heart was truly yearning for when I auditioned for class speaker, and won a vote to speak at my high school graduation. I compared high school to coffee--my inner art was screaming to get out, but again the wall built itself up. But my heart was yearning to be on a stage--somewhere--talking to people--laughing with people--performing. My head won this game. But I don't regret it.

What better way to get comfortable speaking and performing in front of people than playing sports--where you are put on display for people during every practice and during every game--choreographing just like a dancer how you'll dodge, move, and drive toward the goal. What better way to learn about performing in front of people than when you don't have time to worry about what people on the outside are thinking of you. It's just you and your teammates. It's because of those teammates--those coaches--those support systems--that I can perform. Here's to you.

Additionally I was always one to quote underdog movies: and prove that I should be on that field through my drive and my passion for wanting to be there for my teammates--for wanting to be a pillar to the foundation of a group of girls who meant the world to me. Through my teammates--through my coaches--through those support systems--through wanting to be there for people--who were always there for me--I found passion. Here's to you. My team.


When I moved to New York City, life changed. I met hundreds of people who were all part of team-dream (haha). I met hundreds of people who were following their passions. I met hundreds of people who made me realize that I could do the same. I met people who invited me to their shows--who asked me to watch them do their art--who showed me WHO THEY WERE. I met comics--and actors--and singers--and aspiring novelists. I met my acting class--I met my new mentors. I met people who were okay with being THEM--I met people who showed me that it's okay to be ME. These people are part of my team--these people are part of me. Here's to you--my team.

That's what life is about to me--the passion to perform--and the inherit pleasure in being part of a team--an endless team of people that are constantly making moves that in turn allow me to make my own. A team that often is off on their own, performing on stage, singing, dancing, playing and dreaming--a team that is inspiring me. I consider the world my team: My friends--my old teammates--my family--my new acquaintances--the faces of people who don't look back--the faces of people who worry, but push through--the faces of friends who pursue their dreams. You are all my team---Whoever you are--wherever you are--whether I met you in passing--or I spend time with you on a consistent basis--whether I read your blog--or followed your Twitter--I admire you--and I am inspired by you. I am me because of my team--This team. I am me because of  you.

                                                           "Your art truly matters. It's what got me here."

Libs on the REAL: A toast to 100 posts and more

It only seems fitting that my 100th post is the day after one of my dreams came true. Last night I had the opportunity to do stand up comedy for the first time at Gotham Comedy Club. And if I thought I couldn't love NYC anymore, I was completely and utterly wrong. If I thought my friends couldn't be anymore amazing, I was completely ignorant. Because there is ab-so-lute-ly no doubt in my mind that I do live in the best city, and that I do have the BEST friends. (And if you try to fight with me...I guarantee I'll win)

Last night was one of those moments that you imagine a television show to run in slow motion, in order to exaggerate the wonderfulness of it all. Last night was one of those moments where you realize you can do something you never believed you could, and where you realize that picking up the world and shaking it up a bit--isn't so difficult. That picking up your own life--and shaking it up a bit, isn't so difficult

Looking out at my friends--new and old, my co-workers, my brother, his wife, the strangers I didn't know, and the other comedians there to perform--I felt at ease. I don't think I have ever felt so much support in my entire life, and I've definitely never felt more fortunate to know the people that I know, who come from all different walks of life.

As each friend had walked through the door earlier in the night, I gushed with happiness. At one point, I thought, wow...I think I am more excited for all my friends to be in one place--than I am to even get on that stage right now. I don't know how to say it any other way but that these people--these friends, these co-workers, these family members--they mean more to me than they could ever know, than the word love could ever mean. I appreciate not only their support of my night on stage, but their love and passion and desire for life, in general, as it ignites me to want to succeed and do well in my own.

I've quoted One Tree Hill many times before, but that won't stop me now,

because really... "their art matters--it's what got me here."

But even after last night, I have the confidence to say...my art matters too--it got me here too.

I started this blog originally to brief on my New York City life and the reel--to discuss my internship in television, my daily star sightings, and my feelings on the entertainment industry. I started this blog so that I could receive the last three credits I needed to graduate with a double major in college. I started this blog, with no intention of it lasting till now. I called it Libs on the Reel. What I should have been calling it all along was Libs on the REAL. Because I started seeing that the reel life I was experiencing--was leading me to an entirely amazing REAL life...one that's moments aren't captured in slow motion to exaggerate their wonderfulness, one that can't be rewound or paused to literally re-take or take in a moment, and one that wasn't just a projection on a screen. A life that's moments are worth waking up for every morning--not ones just worth imagining.

The first sentence I ever wrote in this blog was:

"When I was younger, I swore I would never go to school in New York, and that I would never live in New York..."

After last night--after finally feeling like I had found my niche, after seeing many of the people I care about come out to support me and my endeavors...I think the new first line of my blog should be:

"I don't think I'll ever leave New York City...again."

"Your show mattered--It's what got me here"- A "Reel" Story

I started this blog over a year ago with an intention of following the "reel" in New York City. My blog often features posts about real-life struggles, inspiring moments, and comical outbursts. This post is a return to the root of the blog, as I returned to the "reel" world yesterday to get a glimpse at what I one day too hope to be a huge part of: the fictional television world.

If I had been on my A-game yesterday when I had a few minutes of opportunity to speak with Hilarie Burton, I think I may have told her that the show One Tree Hill, of which she was a major character on, made all the difference in the direction and path I chose.

Realizing how difficult it is to write story-lines, continue story-lines, and cut story-lines when necessary, I fell in love with the television show. I often thought to myself, "Where do Mark Schwahn and his writers get it from? Who granted them this gift?" And it inspired me to want to write--a lot. And then it inspired me to want to write for television and film a lot. And then it became clear to me that despite many people's beliefs that television can hurt the mind--it was really the only thing that directed me in the path that I wanted to go.

I only hope that I can create a story-line that people cherish and love as much as Peyton and Lucas--or a story-line as epic as the romance between Nathan and Haley, or a conflict so endearing as the one between father and sons.

While I didn't use any cheesy renditions of quotes from One Tree Hill, I did have the chance to speak with Burton, while she was taking a break from the White Collar set. We talked about her production company, how difficult it is to walk in heels, New York City, Wilmington, NC where I recently visited, and the eye candy she gets to work with. It was one of those chances to speak to someone that you really don't want to blow by losing your cool.

Fortunately, I had met the production manager who introduced us during rehearsal and he and I were able to chat about the industry, where it's been and where it's going. We were also able to discuss White Collar, how the shoots differ from other shoots, and how much shooting is left for this season. Like many days last year, when I checked out the sets of Law and Order SVU and Gossip Girl, it made a great learning experience--and again, only got me much more excited about the path that I have chosen and intend to continue on for a long time.

"The world is full of magic, you just have to believe in it"

"The world is full of magic, you just have to believe in it."

I had my real best friends growing up--and then I had Joey Potter, Topanga Lawrence, and Brooke Davis to teach me about hardships--getting through the tough times--and moving on to the good times. I had the creek outside of Dawson's house, the playground in which Cory and Topanga reconciled their love, and I had the river court in a fictional town called Tree Hill to escape to. And--boy did I escape.

It's been six years, and eight seasons, since I first left reality and stepped foot on the river court. And this weekend, I stepped onto the river court--for real.

And while the magic of the lights, the camera, the action wasn't there--the magic that the river court itself had on me--was.

Rather than a light shining down on Lucas Scott and Nathan Scott squaring off in one on one basketball match, the sun beat down illuminating my own aspirations, my own memories, my own moments of tranquility and passion and love. I believe we all have a place that works like this, for us. We all have a place that we have spent seconds on--minutes on--hours on, just dreaming of a bigger future, one that shines the same way our best fictional friend's dreams do on the television screen. It could be the side of a mountain that we climb when we need to get ourselves off the ground. It could be the first art studio we painted in. It could be the kitchen we cooked our first full course meal in. It could be the tree house we built in the middle of the woods to hide out in when our parents got angry and called us by our middle name. It could be anywhere.

For me--it's my little league baseball field, where on many occasions the bright light was the sun that did shine as my team won or lost baseball games, where I got a base hit or struck out, where I caught a fly ball-or made an error. Like the river court, for the fictional characters, my baseball field acted for me as an analogy to life--with ups and downs, proud moments and errors, home-runs and strikeouts. And no matter the moments I spent there--good or bad, I never stopped dreaming there.

Standing in the middle of the river court, in which the hoops have been taken down (so as for fans not to steal them), I am reminiscent of a time that I sat alone on my old little league baseball field--staring at the mound, the one I used to stand on. Despite it's tiny slope, it's the highest point on the ball field. And whenever I stepped foot on it--I felt on top of the world. That still happens now.

And that reality is better than any fiction.

Getting our priorities straight

Someone said to me today:
When is Chelsea Clinton getting married?
And my response was: The Gulf is filled with oil...and Haiti is still struggling...yet this is what our media and it's readers concern themselves with.

As of recently, I have been asked to transcribe many interviews about the free and cheap things to do in the five boroughs of New York. One of the interviews revolved around composting, another revolved around the water treatment plant in Greenpoint, and a third revolved around rooftop gardens in Greenpoint and eating locally. Also, as of recently, my favorite actress, Sophia Bush has made it very well-known that completely in support of a greener environment and has offered many many tweets publicly letting people know about how she feels about the oil disaster in the Gulf. She and on/off screen boyfriend Austin Nichols have worked hard to show their fans and others how much the Gulf has been struggling and what we can do to help. They have also started to raise funds via


http://www.crowdrise.com/sophiabush and

http://www.crowdrise.com/austinnichols

Thus far Sophia has raised $7,000 and Austin has raised over 4.5 thousand. Whether you can donate a 10 dollars, words of encouragement, or a helping hand, anything will help, and it's time that all kick it into overdrive--this is our nation and surrounding nations we are talking about and it's important.


To leave off...here is a Jimmy Fallon tweet:
immyfallon

jimmyfallon: British PM Cameron & Obama gave each other pieces of art. It’s not necessary, Britain. You already gave us a HUGE oil painting